I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my sisters under your porch take her home
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
