I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
