Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
