omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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