Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
