My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
