I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
