Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
