is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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