if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
