Your tits are I can't wait for
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
