i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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