Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
