Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
