Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
