Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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