Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
