made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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