you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
