just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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