So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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