we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
