Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
