there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
