if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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