Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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