I didn't shave. On purpose
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
