WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
