You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
