i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Your cock deserves a montage
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
