im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
