dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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