don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
