Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
