Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
