I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
