i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
