so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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