She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
