What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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