You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
