I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
