Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
