the condom got lost in my hair
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
