while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
