I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
