I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
