he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
