Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There's even glitter on my cock...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
