Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
