I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
