hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
