if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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