it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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